After almost 2 years, I am picking up where I left off in the BDSM lifestyle, and as a means to that end I joined the Xtreme Play Dungeon on http://www.chatropolis.com a few days ago. My full profile can be seen
here and it basically covers almost all the things I mentioned in the interview. As I said, I am a open book and if anybody has any questions, please feel free to ask.
I had also read something that someone had given to me a while back based solely on the handicapped people and BDSM. I had posted it on a page (http://rickbulow74.i8.com/BDSM/Lords_of_Power.doc) but it is not able to be seen there for some reason so I will post it here in it's entirety.
Lords of Power – Domination and Disability
Te
BA LL.B LL.M Dip.Com.Welfare
21 May, 2000
Introduction
This paper was written as a consequence of the proliferation of internet chat rooms in the homes of persons with a disability and the conscience raising towards the role of the domination/submission sub-community within the whole. The paper is not confined to one country, or to one kind of disability. It does however, focus on males with a disability and the dominant relationships that they develop with females via the computer. It also concentrates on persons who have a physical, psychiatric or mild cognitive disability rather than persons who have an intellectual disability. The foci were determined simply for the manageability of the project, and not as a disregarding of the thousands of women with a disability, or men with disabilities who have taken a submissive online role.
The paper does not propose to answer questions rather, it seeks to illustrate that countless people with a disability have chosen to enter an online lifestyle that in reality, the majority are unable to live in their real lives. Further, the vast majority of these persons would not openly admit to supporting this lifestyle, even if it were restricted to an online cyber interest.
The paper presents the premise that what makes this particular type of chatting so appealing to persons with a disability is the power exchanges involved. While they may have a need for love or sex online, they appear to have a hunger for power over others. The paper provides the insights of three such men with a disability who feed on the power they have over the online women in their online lives.
Online Chat
The internet has created a world of anonymous intimacy where persons with a
disability are able to develop relationships with online partners based on
typed words and written expressions of thoughts and emotions. In this
closed world of cyber relationships, persons with a disability are able to
shed their physical entrapments. The hardware of the real world such as
hearing aids and wheel chairs can be placed out of the sight, and
often the knowledge, of online romantic partners.
In this matrix of cyber communication, the disabled are able to hear, see,
speak and walk as well as every other able bodied chat user who has
discovered the connectivity a mouse, keyboard, monitor and hard drive affords the
lonely and/or bored of the real world. Within the technospeak confines of
megs and rams, bytes and browsers, they are able to love, be loved, and make
love. In the realm of hard drives, they are judged not by how they look or
act but by how competently they are able to impart their inner selves to
others.
An online existence can be epic in its vastness of available experiences
when the only requisite is the ability to type and express. If a person can
do that, even minimally, they will be introduced to millions of people
worldwide who will encourage, support, and teach the person to share with
them for the other person's role in this new cyber existence is to listen.
Many human beings would like to be able to express their fears and hopes in
a cathartic releasing of thoughts and fantasies but are constrained because
of their real time concerns of exposure, embarrassment, shame, pity and
rejection. So they confine such revelations to behind the closed doors of
professionals or close associates who they are assured will respect the
principles of privacy and confidentiality.
This anonymous intimacy that is the net provides for consequential freedom. Persons are
able to publicly tell a hundred people a most intimate secret, then change
their nickname/handle and move to another one of the thousands of chat rooms
and start all over again making new friends and partners while avoiding the
ramifications of their shared intimacy. In real life, they would have been
forced to deal with the consequences of their words of admission and
emotion, and the pains that such declarations might cause to self and
others.
In this cyber world that allows nameless wanderings, freedom from
retribution for speech and actions, and connectivity with hundreds of people
a day, the capacity to type and express well is all-important. Literacy is
the denominator that determines how a person in judged. How a person feels
and what it is they think are indicators of whether they are judged as someone
worthy to know; worthy to share a friendship and worthy to love.
A computer, a reasonable typing ability and literacy level, and a
willingness to be open and sharing can create an appealing romantic prospect
for the millions of worldwide potential partners that have discovered that
internet chat sites are a panacea for loneliness and boredom. The internet
is a realm where poetry is written, romance flourishes and self-image is
determined by the devotions of others. It is a place that offers physical
and social equalisation and where, a person with a disability is empowered
by his or her own words and emotions.
Domination and Submission Chat
There is however, a darker side of adult internet chat which is far removed
from the chatter of flirty, and sexually wanting men and women. On this
cyber dark side, rooms devoted to domination and submission will be found.
And it is here, that the person with a disability, not satisfied with the
power equalization experienced in other types of chat rooms, will enter,
commencing the establishment of relationships based on the theme of the
room, power exchange. They will draw able-bodied persons to them,
disempowering them in a ritual of mutual acceptance, consentuality and
self-satisfaction.
In contradiction to the realities of the western cultural battle to attain
sexual equality, in this world of Domination and submission, or D/s to which
it is more commonly referred, there is no equality. The ideology is founded
on total or partial power exchanges. All participants in the lifestyle
either wish to give over to another, or others, the power to make their
decisions in their lives.
Online D/s mirrors the real time marginalised alternative lifestyle group
which draws its philosophies and practices from the historical stamp that
men rule women by virtue of their physical strength and clarity of
thinking. The strong rule the weak so all may survive. Females are
naturally the weaker so naturally subservient to the male. Women are ruled
by an emotionalism that makes them childlike in their needs and demands.
This weakness of body and mind necessitates that they be guided and
protected by the stronger Warrior/Hunter/Male. The philosophy is considered
a return to innocence and to the natural order.
It is a lifestyle that represents a backlash against feminists, and feminist
doctrines. The perceived pressures of real life decision making are lifted
from the shoulders of women who want to wear makeup and be appealing to men, have doors opened for them, and experience a little rougher than normal handling. This type of woman hungers for a strong man, having tired of the new age empathy and softness
of the new millennium male. She fantasizes about being kidnapped by the
Sheik and taken back to his tent to be lovingly raped. He seeks a compliant
feminine woman who does not argue with the law of his word but only seeks to
obey and please, offering him adoration and respect and the submission of
her heart, mind and body to him.
For most of the millions who have found this online lifestyle, they are
unable or unwilling to transpose their roles to real life. Wives and
husbands won't allow it. Children hinder it. Work commitments and
obligations are necessary to keep the wolf from the real door. And
disabilities can make it impossible. For the vast majority, it is only a
life that may be lived on the computer while husband is at work, the wife is
asleep, the children are at school or napping, and the chores have been
done.
But again, for the vast majority, it has become a necessary expression of their emotional needs. The woman's need to be found pleasing in thought and action rather than being judged on physical appearance, to be protected, to be controlled; to love and be loved in the midst of romantic devotions. And for the man, D/s provides adoration, respect and unquestioning power.
Practices of Power
In D/s, the dominant person expects obedience foremost. To ensure obedience, the dominant will use varied methods of punishment and control. These methods include physical beatings and torture, denial of pleasure and privileges and emotional coldness.
The sexual practices of D/s are usually, but not always those practices which have been traditionally been labeled kinky by the general community. Bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism, exhibitionism, humiliation and group sex are just some of the practices found in the D/s lifestyle whether online or real life.
Obviously, when a master whips his slave online, she will not feel the cut on her skin. Consequentially, online masters tend to control their girls with praise and criticisms, and with punishments such as writing sorry emails or being denied her master’s company till he has determined the punishment has ended because she has learned the error of her ways.
The emotional manipulation of often lonely and vulnerable women results in many women become extremely dependant on their masters to the extent that that person, although they may be 6,000 miles away, makes decisions for them in their real life on a daily basis. What they will wear, what they will eat, what time they will go to bed. Rather than seeing this as controlling, the women view this as the master taking an interest in, and showing his care of, his slave.
These practices do not know the limitations of a disability. A person in a wheel chair can act out an online sexual scenario where he is walking around the naked body of his slave, flicking her bare flesh with the tip of his riding crop! The computer gives him the ability to rise from his chair. And while he walks, he whispers words of power such as “Kneel before me girl! Beg me. Show me how much you want me.” And she does because she wishes to hear these words spoken to her. She wants to worship her master and he wants to be worshiped. D/s is a symbiotic relationship.
Disability and Power
Because of the often longer than usual confinements of persons with a disability to their homes, computers have become an important communication, education and leisure tool. The net provides for community integration on a global scale and the allure of the domination chat rooms has been felt by the often most disempowered of our citizens.
The following case studies examine the thoughts of three individuals who have agreed to tell their stories.
DAVID
David is a twenty two year old male from a small mainland city of Australia. He has cerebral palsy and is confined to a wheelchair.
"I break all the textbook rules on cp I don’t fit neatly into a defined medical slot. In raw text form I am in an electric chair, need help in personal care toilet, shower, transfers etc. I know as you read this a natural image forms in your head, that's okay but that image is not complete. There is a certain David factor that has to be added plus paranormal experiences after operations etc"
David lives at home with his parents. As his parents both work, his weekdays are spent home alone at his computer. He runs his own online business. He is intelligent, witty and has a profoundness of understanding of his life, and future. He is also a D/s Master, a Lord of Power.
David wanted to be involved in this conference. He believes that what he has to say is important and despite having spent most of his young life being probed by those who wanted to get past his outward disability to his deeper inner self, he considers that now finally, his inner self can be revealed. He is a dominant. He believes it is his role to dominate and it is when doing so that he truly believes he is able to express his social and sexual self. He can do this in D/s chat rooms.
"I have thought about it deeply, and my desire is to be in an environment
where nothing has the upper hand over me; where I am responsible; where its
down to me; where I can guide someone, have them feel like they must obey,
not out of fear but because its natural and filling and not an effort and
yes, if it could be rl I'd want it having said that I like to be in control
of my own desires and not have too many needs"
David has a clear understanding and acceptance of his disability and its limitations. When he enters an online D/s chat room, there is a release of expression of not only who he is but also who he wants to be seen as. It is this visual of him in the real world that forms others encapsulation of David simply being a person with a disability. They see the unempowered disability clouding their view of the dominant power of the master within. Online, while the disability remains, the visual is not there and only the power is expressed and felt.
"It occurred to me many years ago that I don't know what its like to live with cp. Simply my own reality of it and as I went deeper into it, the understanding came that cp. had opened a door and left and my personality
was me not cp. My strength was me not cp. D/s unleashes that."
There is something extra special about David. As he stated, he does not fit neatly into slots. Unlike so many online who have a disability, he does not hide his disability from those he meets. Within minutes of meeting a new person, he will state he has cerebral palsy and is in a wheelchair. He will wait till the sympathetic and empathetic statements are finished, then will patiently answer the flood of questions, and finally he will say, “lets move on.”
His disability is part of who he is, but it is not he in toto. Much as a man 6’6” tall would scoop a woman into his arms during a love scene, David incorporates his disability into his shared fantasies. He commands his online submissive partners to kneel before his wheelchair naked, feeding him nachos (which he loves) then licking clean his face and other areas of his body they may have spilled the food.
"The best way for me to explain it is this, say you are my aid and you are showering me as a job as my carer, you are clothed. I am not. It continues on. Each day I take a little more ownership of you for that time. Every day I instruct you how to shower me. I instruct you what to wear then too, even if it never goes beyond that time. While you shower me you belong to me. My own hands are doing as I command."
The internet domination chat rooms have not altered the man. He was who he was before he ever clicked into a room and began chatting. Rather, in David’s case, he has been given the opportunity to express himself and to experience his fantasies. He accommodates his disability rather than denying it. And he above all is judged by the mastery he demonstrates over himself and others and not by the appearance of a man with cerebral palsy.
"If one quote could sum up power as a whole for me it would be this. I don't ask why me anymore as I did a long time ago, instead I ask how can I master my reality because it is me... that doesn't just mean d/s. Its simply an outlet (the d/s)."
JONAS
Jonas is 52 years old and is a retired lawyer living in New York City. He has never been married and is financially secure. He was born with spina bifida and as a result, wears leg braces and is impotent. Now that Jonas is retired, he spends much of his leisure time online in domination chat rooms. He has three personal online slaves. One is in Australia and the other two are in the United States.
“They are my girls, they live for me and I have a great obligation in caring for them.”
Jonas hides his disability from others online much as he is able to hide it from those in his real life. In real life he is viewed as a successful, educated and wealthy man. He has fallen in love with women over the years and was once engaged to be married. He is an extremely romantic person who enjoys spoiling a woman although he is very shy with them. Very few people in his real life know that he has never made love to a woman or that the inability to do so torments him. Even fewer know this fact in his online life. For there, he can pleasure them with a sexually functioning cyber penis as they masturbate to orgasm.
“I control my girls. I tell them what to wear, what to buy, where they can go, and even what to think. I am able to do this through the loving power I have over them.”
Online, Jonas has an active sexual life with his slaves. Offline, he has paid for the two American women to travel to visit with him. While he was unable to have an erection or achieve penile penetration, the encounters with his two slaves appear to have been sexually fulfilling for all parties.
“She showed me that I could satisfy a woman.”
The first slave who visited was the first woman he had ever been sexually intimate with in real life. Jonas had only confided to her of his disability a few days before she left to go to him despite the fact that they had been intimate online for over six months. For him, it was an inevitable and traumatic experience.
“I had to own up because in a couple of days there would be no way of avoiding the issue. I found it hard as she was the first one I had told online. But she was great and it was her that convinced me to tell jade and opal.”
The Australian slave opal had been Jonas’ online slave for over eighteen months. She was devoted to him but was completely unaware of his disability and that the cyber sex they shared online and on the phone did not result in her Master having an erection or ejaculation.
The knowledge of his disability became shared between the four people. It altered little their online existence. Jonas begged from this author confidentiality although agreeing to have his story told. His fear was that;
“How can people see past the disability and see the real master if they know? They will think it is all such a fraud and its not. I love my girls. They please me. I care for all their needs. It’s not an easy role being so responsible for the well being of other human beings. But they trust me and I will never let them down because I am their master.”
CALLAM
Callam is a 38 year old male living in Florida in the US. He grew up on the tough streets of New York City and spent three years in Whitman, the infamous juvenile detention centre. His rough life changed three years ago when he had a serious car accident. He now has an acquired brain injury and some physical difficulties. He underwent a spinal fusion and has been able to relearn to talk and walk. He now works as a credit consolidation counselor. He is an online Gorean Master spending all his leisure time logged on to chat.
“I am damaged goods”
Callam is two different people. He has his online persona where he is a strong Master and role plays through Gorean battles and deaths. Women swoon over his charismatic charm and witty chat. He spends his time raping and enslaving girls who wander into Gorean chat rooms. Some run away horrified and some stay, sometimes for years. But offline, he is a lonely and insecure man
“I guess I can tell you this really personal stuff about me cause I know I am not going to walk out My front door and see you standing there.”
The “really personal stuff” is his difficulties around short term memory loss, his inability to found long term relationships either online or offline.
“But here I can be me, feared, loved, wanted and loathed. My disabilities fit into my character”
Callam does not advertise his disability but neither does he deny it. He incorporates the symptoms into his online character and so, seems larger than life, volatile, dangerous and exciting, and extremely attractive to women who have come online seeking sex and excitement.
“I love the power I have over men and women who loathe me but who can’t get enough of me. And its fun!”
Conclusion
Domination chat rooms provide men with a disability with something that ordinary adult chat rooms are unable to provide. An empowering to powerfulness. Where, when they enter, they are called Sir or Master. They are respected for their role as a dominant and their disability has no relevance to the lives they lead online.
In a real world of equality that makes some less equal than others, particularly persons with a disability who often rely on the support of the state, relatives and carers, one wonders if D/s chat rooms should be considered as a therapeutic device which should be encouraged to be used? Without hesitation, it can be claimed that those persons who involved their time in this project consider that they are healthier and happier persons for their discovery of online D/s chat rooms.
Considering that many people spend much of their free time at the computer in chat rooms, a person with a disability can hold positions of power for most of their waking day. In a real world where people are fighting for laws and resources to establish equality of quality of lifestyle for a vulnerable and mostly disempowered group of individuals, is it appropriate that workers in the area introduce their clients to D/s chat rooms much the same as many workers will now organize clients visits with prostitutes?
The call of this paper is that appropriate research should be done examining whether there is a beneficial use in the promotion of D/s chat rooms in the health and well-being of persons with a disability.
